Simply Scenic

Day XIII – Revitalization

Finally, the day is approaching. You are coming tomorrow!!! My joys find no bounds!! I’m happy. Flying in the skies.

I have literally pined for you in these days. I have decided not to let you leave me ever now.

I welcome you again on this sacred land of Sindh, luv! Welcome back to my heart.

It’s life to be with you again. I wish our life spends in a way that we are always close to each other in all situations. Luv you.

Day XII – Intimacy

Your memories. Work burden. Travel. Life has come to a standstill. No movement. No colors. No charm. However, what has never stopped is mind which keeps on thinking about you and me nay ‘us’.

I would be angel to know the reason behind it, but as the days have passed since you’ve gone, an unusual wish has arisen in my chest. I have started to strongly wish to come close to you. The wish.

How would it feel?

Symphony of breaths. Emotions culminating. Complete oblivion from the rest of the world. Voices and sounds becoming more clear and loud. Colors more vivid. Enigma playing. Life and emotions in perfect harmony.

See, I told you, many are the dreams of mine. All to be fulfilled.

Day XI – Being lonely

Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It’s hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are
There’s something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze upon me
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There’s no control
Are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

There’s nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be
You’re asking me
To feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can’t be there where you are!!

I’m missing you a lot, sweetheart! Come back soon.. plz. Life’s as meaningless without you as it could ever be!

Day X – My feelings at the moment

Luv,

There was a load of work today. Got not even 5 minutes to get back from the table and pc. Couldn’t msg you; sorry for that! I know my jaan get worried when I don’t contact for some time… but, I feel quite helpless while saying this that there are certain outer realities which force us to do certain things and avoid some other at times. Though I wish to keep in touch with you always, I can not!

However, I’m home now. Couldn’t connect to the net, thanks to the poor connection I have. Therefore, I’m writing this on Word and would paste it on blog later.

I’m feeling quite tired. I want rest. But, I want you to be with me to make me feel things in harmony.

Day IX – Fear of being not able to reach somewhere

Luv,

Since you have left, I have been feeling lonely, weak, helpless and forlorn. But today I don’t exactly know but I had this feeling of kinnda déjà vu:

I am on a journey and am not able to get to the destination. I struggle a lot.. run fast.. feeling out of breath, but again the road seemed to touch the horizon.

I hope this proves wrong and I get you back with the grace of Allah.

Day VIII – How do we spell ’shattered’?

This sense of being lonely has been scratching my mind and my soul since the day you left the country… I have felt like being lost in the wilds of some alien land where people speak languages different to the ones I understood… I feel I know nobody. Nobody knows me either!

I have gave up the hope of getting in contact with the human beings living here. I’m waiting for you.

Day VII – Isn’t this very experience of separation enough for me?

Having done loads of work from the time I stepped into the office, I’m home again – fatigued!

Weak, I remember the day before you were leaving the country for the first time; you were about to cry and I was trying to convince you that all would be fine… it would soon be over and you’d be back with me again.

I don’t know what clicked in your mind and you lookd directly into my eyes and said:

Aamir, your allowing me to go abroad doesn’t mean that you’d ever take this instance to support your going away: I simply can’t stand this and will never ever allow you to go anywhere without taking me with you!

The water in your eyes twinkled. I smiled.

No, jaan! It surely doesn’t mean that. Even if I ever needed to go abroad, I won’t go without you. Trust me.

It’s the seventh day and I want to make it clear again: I won’t go without you anywhere. Feel secure.

Day VI – What you keep makes you sad

Sep 17, 2007 – I sent you:

“The DUNES are changed by the WIND, but the DESERT never changes. And that’s the way it will be with out love for each other. ” –– I luvd thz lines, and m happy tht i,v found sm1 tht i,m abl2say thz lines to. I luv you, Pink.

We had sweet tiffs as well; you remember ths?

Amusingly grumpy muhji jaan.. Muhnji Pinku! Smile n sndme msg o luv, so tht v may not hv a single nite tht cud b said to be nite wen either of us ws angry (Dec 26, 2007)

And this one?

Jeewan main
paisa,
pyar,
dost,
sab aate hain,
jaate hain.
….
magar toote huwe DAANT wapas nahi aate!
Samajhdar ho;
umeed hai, SMS bhejty rahoge! :p
(Aug 22, 2007)

And yours:

I dnt knw what is trust etc, all i knw is that i can give my life for ths man ‘Aamir’! (Feb 20, 2009)

–

The office has been bitsh! OVERLOADED with work these days. Haven’t been able to upload these diary entries on blog; wrote them in parts: some words in the office, some at home.

However, I just wanted you to know that as the days are passing, my heart has started to beat for you faster.. and faster! It’s only sixth day that you left me and I’ve become tired of being away from you. I feel directionless when you’re not in the city!

I don’t know but waiting for you seems for keeps; 8 days seem ages!!

Day V – All love stories are the same.

I have never known how a person feels when a dagger or a bullet has brutally made space for itself in their body by displacing their flesh. However, it must be – I believe – somewhat similar feeling which I’m experiencing these days when you’re not with me, sweetheart!

‘Boys should not cry‘ is crap! They, too, have emotions; they, too, need to cry at times, e.g. when they are not with the ones they love! — I have cried more than three times in the last few days! (I confess)

May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for [her].

I’m surprised to discover that many of the things related to our attitude get revealed to us when we are crying – we realize that certain reactions/words hurt that special someone and should never have occurred. I realized that I have been hurting you frequently! [Wretched me!]

Whenever I told you I was with my friends and, so, could not speak to you, you reacted in a way which I would think was strange and unjustified. I forgot to consider how you felt when you hear that I’m laughing and enjoying my time with my chums. However, the night before when I cried after my balance got finished (yours was already finished), I realized that I could be more sensible to have not criticized you for being childish at times. “It’s totally normal. Act mature. You’re no more a child, Pink!” I would always tell you — forgive me for that, luv, I beg

I know that you:

“… felt like a child —— insecure, tense because [you] knew none of [my] friends, and jealous that [I] was paying more attention to the others than to [you].

I should have been more delicate and kind and warm-hearted to that innocent child inside you who was frightened of that world… who had this fear that I would be parted from her… who felt her world* would be an epitome of a barren desert if I stopped to be a part of it!

*I’m back in my ‘cave’.. missing my world, Aamir [your sms]

However, I still strongly believe that you know that, although I have been quite foolish in extending some foolish behavior to you, I love you with all I have… and even if I have not been able to express it loudly, I hope you know that I do!

Because,

No one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone’s eyes. And any woman with the least bit of sensitivity can read the eyes of a man in love.

— I have looked directly into your eyes many times… and you’re my woman!

My love could show itself when I act ‘as awkward as it could be’ when I’m with you.

–

Come to hold me tight. I love and I lose control!

The nights have got darker. I’ve started to get scared of darkness now. I don’t know why but it feels that we were married and lived together and, now, they parted us brutally… I feel we have always been that close to each other, luv… I wish we are!

Pink, the world is cruel and I have no say here; else, I would have never let you go. I’m suffering because I’m “unable to impose [my] own rules.”

Come soon. Someone’s missing you. Someone’s waiting for you.

اڃا ڪيترو پري رهندين مونکان، زندگي؟ اڃا ڪيتري آزمائش باقي آ منهنجي صبر جي…!؟؟

All the quotations have been taken from Paulo Coelho’s brilliant work, By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. — A must read!

Day IV – Hope rekindled!

Had been quite sad for since the last night.

The day spent working. Was overburdened. You kept my mind engrossed in your memories. Missed your smile very mutsh. How I wish I could be with you – RIGHT NOW! were my thoughts.

However, there was a spark of delight and joy when I received a call from an unkown number. Hit Yes. A voice so touching.. so hevenly.. Yours, luv, yours only! I was overoyed to hear you speak.

Aamir, I got this Vodafone connection. Save it. I can’t say it how happy I am now! I can no keep in touch with you every time, any time!

That you, too, were sooo happy on having the connection was obvious from the way your voice was coming so sweetly.

At night, u said you were happier than me – I said that it’s been hitlarious of you to say so.. because I thought I had the best part of happiness and joy.

However, I thanked God for the news. Spoke to you just now. M happy. Feeling the spark of your smile deep inside my heart!

منهنجي زندگي آهين!

Luv you.

Shabakhair.

(Luv, I’m sorry for I couldn’t post the diary of the fourth day earlier because of the work pressure.)

Day III – Fractured is every bone! Pain is my life.

My luv,

The third of the cruel days passed… it was no less callous!

I do not check emails at the office. However, today your smile kept clicking in my mind and, so, thought to read the emails you might have sent (which I read in the evening, otherwise).

Your sentence made me sad and felt like crying.

Aamir, I think you must have become used to spending days without me around.

Kill me. What else could have been dangerous like an acid in this situation when I’m dying to be with you and there you are – making me feel more dejected! Why, luv, do you think I could live without you?

Felt weak.

I kept my kool. I had in mind the background of these words: the night before, there were scratches in the phone line when you called me from there. You thought I was not paying attention to you; whereas, the problem was with the bad connectivity…

However, how I miss you I can’t really describe, but I remember a metaphor which Shah Latif has used in his poetry:

ڀڳي هڏ جيان، سڄڻ ياد پيوم!

I miss my beloved and feel the pain as if I had my bones all fractured!!

However, I’m happy how you spoke just a while ago… I love you.

Shabakhair, sweetheart!

[P.S. I have learned counting; counted 'life' after you, my life!]

Day II – Pain wells up! – feeling forlorn.

My luv,

It was May 12, the bloody day, today – was off. As I had already told you the night before, I missed you even more.

Got up at 10. Had breakfast. Was checking emails. Read yours once again. – and saw the movie which I made secretly while you were telling me about the dream you had. I did so because I wanted to have your natural expressions filmed. And, see, I did it so cleverly! I now watch the movie again and again and again! – I smile. I cry. I wipe my tears. I’m hurt – I’m sorry I couldn’t find any other word which could picture my emotions except that ‘it hurts – a lot!’

I have your activity-wise schedule of the training. I keep it with me so that I may remain updated about what you must be doing. I’m also angry at the management of the training program; they have made the sessions all day long. I mean it’s ok for normal circumstances; but, you, my luv, are never used to such boring activities where you are to listen to (and participate?) in the discussion sessions related to politics and world affairs which you, unlike me, hate much.

I’m sorry for I couldn’t get online on time to chat with you at lunch break at your end. Although it was you who came online 40minutes before the time you had specified to me, I grab it to my account – my mistake, sweet me.

Called a lady mentioned in the some email which you had forwarded to me and which you had received from them. She said she was from the hotel where you were staying. Called another number. The bitsh said she couldn’t ‘interrupt’ the session. Called after 25 minutes. The session was on, she told me. Called after 15 minutes, it was on yet.

Thank God. I was lucky to get you the third time. Spoke with you. Damn me; you were sad I felt you wanted to ask,

Aamir, where are you? Why can’t you see that I’m feeling so depressed and sad and wish to be with you again?? Why can’t you do anything?

I heard the unsaid words. And the fact that I am unable to do anything makes me feel detest myself – I hate me for being the responsible for making my girl suffer so mutsh. – and adding to the trauma are your words:

I feel lonely. Everybody is a stranger here. I hate them all. I have some kind of fear here in this situation. I’m alone in my room and how I wish you could be with me… I would have felt secure. – Aamir, I want to come back. I have failed to adjust myself in this atmosphere. My decision was wrong. Wretched was the day I applied for the training!!

I’m sorry, sweetheart. I assure you that this is gonna be the last time that either of us is going somewhere alone. I’ll be there with you everywhere for keeps – vice versa.

منهنجو ساهه آهي تو ۾!! پنهنجو تمام گهڻو خيال رکجان ‍‍‍- صرف منهنجي آهين!!

*looks at the calendar*

Day I – the Fall

 

When almost a month back I expressed my joy over your selection for India for that training course, I never knew that your timely separation would be so painful to make me – literally – cry at night!

Although it was me who, when you had cried a lot and made it clear to you family and friends that you were not going anywhere without me, assured you that I would not remain out ofcontact any time and convinced you to go, I’m the one who suffers a lot – I thought I was bold enough to bear the shudder which was lurking for me in shadows. I was wrong.

Now, when you’re not here, I want you to know that it hurts a lot. I cannot bear this pain in my chest – it brings tears!

Love, it’s been only a single day that you are not here and I have become tired of making myself understanding… giving my self explanations which come flatly rejected.

My routine has strong bond with you. My morning starts with your sweet gudmorning msgs brimming with luv and care. Evenings with the sweet ‘eat and sleep early’ msgs and ‘Shbkhair, jaan’ notes at night – not mention the dozens of calls we exchanged every day. That I have been bereaved of such a beautiful gift I realized only when today early in the morning I took my cell wrote a msg:

Pinky was still sleeping in me. Left only after kissing her forehead.

Gudmorning, zindagi.

and realized that you would not receive this msg of mine – you were not here!! It made me instantly sad and almost crying. Cancelled sending the msg; saved into drafts (will show you when you’re back).

When facing to the office I came to the main road, I felt complete alien. Felt like a stranger in the city – nowhere to go to.. nobody to speak to.. I’ve been feeling hurtingly[sic] lonely, Pink.

It’s now that I’ve truly understood the sense of:

The night I couldn’t sleep. There has been a fight of me with myself. I was shocked to think that you would not be there in the morning for me. And after speaking to you on hotel’s number, it became even more difficult for me to keep my emotions controlled. *I say, it hurts to be away, far away from you, love!*

Could I work properly in the office?

These days are teaching me lessons. They tell me how cruel I was when I worked for almost 7 months out of the city: how could a girl who cried a lot not to go to India for even 15 days spend so many months without having me around!!?? Forgive me, luv. I ain’t lying when I am writing this and, with brief pauses, tears are trickling down my cheeks: I’m sorry. I kindda took you for granted. Your separation from me has pierced a dagger in my chest – although I don’t tell you on fone that I’m crying and try to act ‘normal’ so that you may remain normal there – you’re so far; if you cried, luv, I will not forgive myself not to be able to comfort you with a warm hug.

I know that being so loud in expressing emotions is not good for a person who has a good professional life, too, but, that’s what I feel.

I’m looking forward to meeting you again soon, luv:

I’m missing you to death, sweetheart!

Yesterday once more…

The depressing situation prevailing these days in the country, generally, and Karachi, particularly, has made many upset… has made them say to themselves, ‘Please, not again!‘ — I’m no exception. The firing the other night in my area was enough to convince me that there lived some man-like animals within us — they only look like human beings.

And I’m no escapist (though I confess I once was) and wouldn’t like to hide my face and think the problem’s are gone.. I would rather judge them rationally.

However, there are certain times when I would rather like to just sit in the chair silently, or lie on the bed, and listen to this song by the Carpenters which truly moves me… makes me get drifted away in thoughts and, for a short while, run away from this chaotic political hullaballoo of the country.

I have been listening to the song for the last three years now… I have loved it as much every time I listen to it. Hoping that you would like it, too, I’m giving it here along with the lyrix.

The song’s sooo simple; it’s awesome!

Enjoy. Leave a comment and tell me how you liked it.

When I was young, I’d listen to the radio

Waiting for my favorite songs

When they played I’d sing along

It made me smile

Those were such happy times, and not so long ago

How I wondered where they’d gone

But they’re back again, Just like a long lost friend

All the songs I love so well

Every sha–la–la–la, Every Woo–Woo still shines

Every sing a–ling a–ling

That they’re starting to sings so fine

When they get to the part

Where he’s breaking her heart

It can really make me cry

Just like before

It’s yesterday once more

Look in back on how it was in years gone by

And the good times that I had

Makes today seem rather sad, So much has changed

It was songs of love that I would sing to them

And I memorize each world

Those old melodies, Still sound so good to me

As they melt the years away

Every sha–la–la–la, Every woo–woo still shines

Every sing a–ling a–ling, That they’re starting to sing so fine

All my best memories come back really to me

Some can even make me cry, Just like before

It’s yesterday once more

Every sha–la–la–la, Every woo–woo still shines

Every sing a–ling a–ling, That they’re starting to sing so fine

Every sha–la–la–la , Every woo–woo still shines

Every sing a–ling a–ling, That they’re starting to sing so fine

 

April 25 – the death anniversary of Saiin GM Syed

Dedicated to the legendary, Saiin GM Syed of Sindh:

Music, when soft voices die,

Vibrates in the memory -

Odours, when sweet violets sicken,

Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,

Are heaped for the beloved’s bed;

And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,

Love itself shall slumber on.

- Percy Bysshe Shelley

For more information about Saiin GM Syed, the first to present the Pakistan Resolution, please click visit the following links:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G_M_Syed
• http://www.sikhspectrum.com/022005/gmsyed.htm
• http://gmsyed.net.tc/
• http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/G._M._Syed
• http://www.panhwar.com/Article36.htm
• http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/G-M-Syed
• http://en.allexperts.com/e/g/g/g._m._syed.htm
• http://www.mqm.org/English-News/Jan-2001/ah-message-gmsyed.htm
• http://is.gd/uDfa (Google search)

[P.S. I'm sad and angry for I couldn't attend this year the programs arranged on April 25 at Sann, district Jamshoro, the native village of Saiin.]

Pakistan: Oppression of nations in full swing!

بـــي  مــوت   مُــئــا ،  تـو لاءِ ڪُــٺـــا انـســان هــزاريــن مــان نــه رڳـــو،
هـــــن  دنـيـا  ۾  اي  ديــس !  هُـيـا  نــادان  هــزاريــن  مــان  نــه  رڳــو .

Deeply shocked, I strongly condemn the barbaric killing of three Baloch nationalist leaders, Ghulam Mohammad Baloch, Sher Mohammad Baloch and Lala Muneer Baloch, by Pakistan’s intelligence agencies. They were kidnapped from the office of their solicitor about a week before they were killed brutally.

Another incident which has uncovered the ugly face of Pakistan’s intelligence agencies which have been involved in killing of thousands of people of the country. However, their rage falls more on the ones who raise voice against victimization of their land and struggle for the rights of their people. Samiullah Kalhoro, a Sindhi nationalist, also fell prey to the same monster not many years back. Dr. Safdar Sarki remained in illegal detention by the intelligence agencies. He was released when the SC took notice of his disappearance.

The martyred Baloch leaders had been quite active in the struggle against the operation in their land carried out by the Pakistani military for the last many years. Several Baloch people have been killed and many arrested by the agencies.

Who can forget the case of Zarina Mari?

The only ‘crime’ they commit is that they speaks against the victimization of their people, land and natural resources. They, like Sindhis, want the ownership of their natural resources and wish to utilize them for the welfare and development of their people. Is this a crime?

Pakistan is — let’s face it — a country where nations have always been oppressed in the name of (one-)nationhood and religion! However, the malicious intentions of the controllers of the country have been uncovered and the world has started paying heed to the cries coming out from the lands of Sindhi and Baloch nations.

Martyrs are the people who die fighting for the rights of their land and their people; all other definitions are faulty and misguiding!

Every martyr challenges the killers in the following words of Shaikh Ayaz:

تون چئه نه ڪُڇان، تُو ن چئه نه لُڇان، پر توکان هڪڙي ڳالهه پڇان؟
تُون ڪنهن ڪنهن کي خاموش  ڪندين؟ اعلان هزارين مان نه رڳو!

–

I reiterate my words and condemn severly killing of the three brave nationalists. However, I believe, there are thousands of such brilliant people who would not hesitate to die in the name of their land… I salute those sons of the soil!

Pakistan: the country entangled in religion, army and other conundrums

It was when I was in a bus that I got this news of the Taliban lashing a 17-year-old girl for doing something which was against (their version of) Islam.

As the details had it, she was flogged publically at least 30 times in front of many onlookers. She kept crying and begging for mercy. But why was anybody gonna help her? After all, she had committed a ‘sin’ which was against the Shariah (according to the Taliban)!

یا رب! دلِ مسلم کو وہ زندہ تمنائیں دے، جو قلب کو گرما دیں۔۔۔

The punishment was awarded to her for her ‘crime’ of being seen with a man who was not her husband. Yes, world, that’s a crime in the eyes of the Talibanist Islam! *Beware all!*

So, this is the scene in the land of the pure!

،محبت امن ہے

!اور اس کا ہے پیغام پاکستان

What has the government did for the incident? The president and the premiere have made public their messages in which they have ‘severely’ condemned the brutal act of whipping the teen. What else did you expect?

And, by the way, who the hell are these djinn-like creatures called Taliban? Are they so many that they’ve (almost) hijacked the whole system of government by threatening, and carrying out, suicide bombings and other forms of attack?

Well, not really!

As far as my good brain helps me, I think it’s true that Pakistan’s intelligence agencies and themilitary are conniving actively in this whole situation. Otherwise, how could you think of a situation where a government surrenders to the militants, who are involved in killing of hundreds of innocent people, by signing a ‘peace deal’ with them? Not all: The government has actually given them this license of whipping and chopping hands off as part of punishment – in form of what they call the Sharia, or Islamic system of judiciary – in the once peaceful and beautiful vale of Swat. This all happened because the Pakistani army supposedly couldn’t conquer the Taliban militants with force.

Voila!

Here we have the brave army of Pakistan which claims to crush the mighty India (and other countries, if needed) surrendering to the Taliban who are said to have a strong control only in the area of Swat! Yes, the army claiming to defend the whole country couldn’t cope with the Taliban – the mightier!

!اے وطن کے سجیلے جوانو

!میرے نغمے تمھارے لیے ہیں

The Pakistanis are never tired of eulogizing their ‘jawwans’ and boast about their morale and courage!

—–

Well, it should not be off-the-track to mention here what Sain GM Syed is reported to have said in as early as 1952. He said:

The way religion is promoted in this country (Pakistan) will make it (religion) to be one of the most difficult issues to deal with and it would be a deadly threat not only to the country itself and South Asia but for the whole world.

A.g.o.n.y.

At times, there is nothing as painful as love itself… then, burning yourself alive in a huge fire seems less hurting! We are traumatized… our life crippled…

Yes, sometimes, even God becomes that callous!

Purity of love par excellence

Life was not as beautiful before – it’s true!

With as beautiful and heavenly nature as you have, you have always made me realize that evil should perish from this world… that all should join hands to save innocence and beauty from being scratched… that truth will be blinding bright in this gloomy world, if it is here somewhere…

It was never before that I could see the colors so bright and vibrant before you stepped into my life… Never was a chance that I could really understand the difference between love and ‘not-love’…

I know I cannot justify it, but it’s true: you are so good and pure that the rest of the world – comparatively – seems ugly and impure!!

I would even not dither to sell my soul to see that exquisite beam on your godlike face, O Beauty!

Your love has made me forget almost the entire universe! Yet, I wish to bask in your heavenly love adorned with simplicity even more… I hope my plea won’t go unanswered!